Mexico, Day 1

9ish - Dulles

Diana and I (and later Amy) risked our lives by getting a ride to the airport with Mommy. Highlights included the millionth retelling of the "notes are just a suggestion" story, her swerving on the road while trying to give Diana some very important medication, and her parallel parking slash near killing of Dave in the arrivals lane.

The boys got to ride with Dan.

We got checked in and went through security with no problem, took the mobile lounge to the gate and had just a short wait before we boarded.

We were a bit delayed by some weather...somewhere. The pilot kept telling us the route he was going to use as an alternate, as if someone might possibly know a shorter way to go. "No, no, Birmingham airspace is so congested this time of day. Fly over Knoxville."

Anyway, Dave and Scott sat together on the plane, Greg and Diana sat together, and I sat with Amy. We had many minutes of unrestrained finger picking goodness. I had a blanket and a pillow and was quite toasty and warm, especially after my hot tea (four sugars) and a surprisingly tasty apple granola bar. Amy had the orange juice. She said it was "fine."

The AA site lied to us--we were supposed to get a meal. There better be one on the flight from Dallas to Cabo.

The movie was Men In Black II, but we did not pay $2 each for headphones, and so were confined to comparing the character with the lazy eye to Dave. That was free and funnier. I read 9 chapters in my chapter book (Triggerfish Twist by Tim Dorsey). Maybe now I could pass the fourth grade. If I could be any animal for a day, I'd be a dolphin, no, a leopard, no, a pony! Where is my pony anyway?

Noon - Dallas
Dave, Greg and Scott had barfilicious McDonalds, Diana couldn't wait for the Mexican tasty goodness and had Taco Bell, and Amy and I had Au Bon Pain. It's a good thing we ate because the stupid lying corporate bastards at AA said there would be a meal, but alas, beverage service only. Mother falcons!

After that, we were called to the desk to see if we wanted to sit together. Patricia put Dave, Diana and Scott together and Amy, Greg and me together.

Then we started on the more difficult task of filling out forms. We messed up many times. You would never know, as Diana said, "I fill out forms for a living." We were all especially baffled about our respective occupations. Student? Engineer? Crack Whore?

Also, the jetway was never-eneding. We half expected there to be cheese at the end. When we got on the plane, one of the flight attendants was maniacally stabbing some ice. Scary.

Also, there were no pillows or blankets to be found anywhere. Crap.

I got the window seat and watched them load baggage. Quel excitement.

Amy read the customs guidelines and apparently, we are only allowed to bring in 5 toys. Who knew.

Between 1 and 2 - Somewhere over Mexico
Well. That was the smallest bag of pretzels ever. E-VER. Amy and Greg had coke, I had hot tea. Greg reported that even only a half hour into our flight, we all had, at some point, been sleeping.

I'm fairly comfortable on this flight, which can only mean that everyone else is frying.

I just finished Triggerfish Twist. A good book overall, but the ending was a little hartang.

Amy is currently enjoying some more finger picking goodness. Greg, sho is looking verry verry seepy, is watching me write. Anything to add, Greg? Nope.

It looks like Diana is sleeping. The backs of Dave and Scott's heads look awake.

Maybe now would be a good time to look through the travel books we bought and come up with some dinner recommendations. Amy has suggested that we steer Scott away from the $70/pp Mexican restaurants.

Scott reports that he is watching The Bourne Identity. Dave is reading The Hot Zone. Diana is still sleeping.

There is a woman two rows back who has not broken a note. She talks more than my mother! Shut up about your husband's sales job in New Mexico, already!

The Mexico coastline is lovely. We are now entirely over the ocean. In the event of a water landing, my seat cushion can be used as a flotation device.

If I knew Mexican geography, I could describe where we were. I suppose that 3rd grade "Country In A Box" project was all for naught.

Anyway, we are flying over the space between mainland Mexico and that piece that might as well be an extension of Cali.

We are beginning our descent into Cabo. I used the airplane lavatory--something that I hate to do. There was aromatherapy soap. I liked it. We are flying over some mountainy islands. I hope we don't get a red light at customs. [Editor's Note: Yes, I realize that paragraph was totally nonsensical. Also, Diana did get a red light at customs.]

6:30 - Rose (that's where we're staying)
We checked in and had a really good lunch at the hotel restaurant. There was some awesome salsa and some tasty drunken beverages to be had. The soups were especially good.

Then Dave, Greg, Diana and I walked down to the beach and checked it out while Scott got towels and Amy put the leftovers away. We adjourned to the pool and Dave and Scott kept trying to make me get in the fucking pool even though I was cold and just wanted to talk to Diana. I plan to turn up the thermostat one degree at night for every time they berate me about going in the pool, going clubbing, or eat time Dave turns my collar up. Mwah ha ha.

We have to conserve energy for our timeshare rebuff tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. There will be bacon.

I broke my favorite shoe. Hopefully one of the boys will be able to fix it.

We had drinky poos and chips and salsa at the Nowhere Bar tonight. I believe I am a spot drunk. And sad about my shoe. Sad.
Mexico, Days 2, 3 and 4

12:30 p.m. - The Pool

We have just ordered some drinks, nachos, chicken fingers, and fruit.

The boys went to the beach while Diana and I got in the pool and Amy played mom and watched us.

We are back from a morning of touristy scamming goodness. [Editor's Note:In which a reputable, badge wearing guy at the airport named Raphael scammed us out of $78 in cab fare. This will come up again later.]

Later hopefully we will go to 1/2 priced sushi and the grocery store. Then I'd imagine we'd come back here before embarking on some sort of drunken adventure.

Poolside - afternoon

Last night Scott, Diana and I went to the grocery store for $136 worth of breakfast food, snacks, and beverages. We took a taxi home, and our driver was very cool but kept putting heavy stuff on top of the eggs.

When we got back, Amy, Greg and Dave were yelling at us to shut the door, but unfortunately, we were to grocery-laden.

We all changed into hot and sexy outfits (Diana started that trend) and then went to dinner at Blue Agave. We all had martinis. Here are the specifics, in list form:

-Diana: watermelon
-Greg: lemon drop
-Alyssa: cosmopolitain
-Amy, Dave, Scott: apple

After some discussions of Oprah, strip clubs and the restaurant's keyboardist, we had the hostess take our pictures and then went to find a club. We stopped at Cabo Wabo, but the band was random and loud.

Then we went to El Squid Roe, and had some drinks, jellow shots, dancing and general debauchery.

We came home and were drunk and silly.

This morning I woke up and was hartang [Editor's Note: Not due to alcohol, that's later.] so I scheduled an 80 min. Sweedish massage. Actually, Scott scheduled it and one for himself. It was a good time but there is not as much emphasis placed on modesty as in the U.S. The hot tub was especially nice, as was the apple water, robes and music.

I met everyone at the pool. Scott and Greg were playing pool volleyball. I ordered some iced tea and nachos. The weather is being crappy. No idea what the plan is for tonight, but I bet it involves alcohol.

10:30 a.m. - Poolside

Yesterday evening we had dinner at the hotel restaurant. It was grill night and there was a buffet. Diana and I had the marinated chicken, and everyone else had the filet mignon.

We abandoned the pool a bit early on account of Whistle Man (tm) [Editor's Note: Whistle Man (tm) was 'officiating' the pool volleyball game. Unfortunately, everyone playing pool volleyball sucked. The maximum amount of volleys that I counted was nine, but the average was somewhere around 2. Whistle man (tm) kept whistling; unfortunately, none of the players knew what this meant.] and the fact that it was RAINING outside. Seriously, it is beyond me why six reasonably intelligent people sat in the rainy nastiness for the sake of being by a pool.

After dinner we had maragritas, gin and tonic, and salsa while playing card games and having various disturbing discussions.

Now we are back to worshipping our pool. Scott has promised me Japanese today between 4-6 but I am doubtful about that.
August 1
4:15-The Room
Picking up where we left of...(in list form)
-The pirate ship was full so we were moved to the Oceana.
-We walked forever in the million degree heat to find that Kaz was klozed. We had dinner @ Cabo Wabo. All of us had margaritas except Amy. I had the prime rib, Amy and Dave had shrimpies, Greg and Scott had mahi mahi, and Diana had chicken. Again.
-We had a tame night of cards, books, and minimal drinking.

-At 11 a.m. we were on the boat. It was hot. Then we went snorkeling. It sucked. Then Diana and I almost lost our bathing suits in the waves. Greg laughed. Then it was back to the boat for some more alleged "fun." We had crappy nachos and coke and sunscreen reapplication. Then we saw El Arco.

-We took the water taxi home. It was fast and our driver sang "jump around." We had to jump off the taxi and Dave bit it.
-After dumping a whole beach's worth of sand on the floor, I took a shower, as did everyone else.
-Dave amy and Greg are playing gin. Diana is going to check email. Scott is going to the gym. Room service is on its way.

9:00 pm
We are back from dinner at Felix's. It was very good authentic Mexican. There was a salsa bar and we had cucumber, verde, pico, pineappple, corn and regular.
Amy yarfed. So we took a taxi home.
Room service was good but we have had too much food today.
Now it is cold. Brr.

August 2nd
We played "Marry, Shag or Cliff" last night. [Ed's note: Thanks, Kyle!]
Very interesting.
This morning Greggie got up mucho early to go to the beach. Amy, Dave and Scott followed suit.
Diana and I went shopping. Diana was complimented on her Spanish and was Miss Bargain Queen. She got two cute little chicken dresses for Kaya. We got some jewelry from Bla Bla Bla for Mommy.
I got a platter to match our kitchen. We picked up some chips and salsa and soda. Then we took a $6 taxi back. Ahhhh, air conditioning.
We went to the pool and joined the boys. Amy had gone back to the room to enjoy the cold air. I finished my book, Girl with a Pearl Earring on loan from the Dan Verner Collection. It was good. I gave it to Amy to read. I have started Yellow Raft in Blue Water but I do not like it so much. I may abandon it for The Plague Tales.
We had chips in salsa in the room and ther was some card playing. Diana and I remained in the room to read (I painted my toenails) while the rest went to the pool. Scott is now back and in the shower. Amy and Dave just got back. I think Greg is trying to make it his mission to stay there all day. Maybe we will have Nik-San for dinner tonight but I am not sure.

10:22-Living room
Note: Dave is wearing the same outfit 2 times in a row.

12:15-Living Room
Crazy Lobster appears to be closed on Sunday. That makes the book 3-2.


Kaz (permanently)
Crazy Lobster (Sundays)

We all had the orange juice. It was excellent. Greg and I had the scrambled eggs and bacon, Amy had a blueberry crepe, Diana had a mexican omlet, and Dave had the divorce. There were may tasty salsas. I made potatoes de gallo.
When we got back to the hotel, we ran into Scott, who had just had a meeting with Raphael. We got $80 back. Now Scott is at the pool and Dave, Greg and I are playing cards. Amy is reading and Diana is collecting sand for the other Diana.

1:15-Living Room
Dave, Greg and I are getting ready to join Scott at the pool. Diana made us a reservation at Mi Casa tonight.

5:30-Living Room
We have run up a room bill of $1,100. It was the Cristal and strippers that pushed it over the edge. And the crack. We can't forget the crack.

We had dinner at Mi Casa. With our coupon we had an extra round of drinks. This was a bad idea. Diana and I are now drunk. Way drunk. AZUCAR! We will probably barf tomorrow. I would like to give a shoutout to Dr. Nashel.

August 4, 2003
3:45 a.m. - Bathroom

Unfortunately, I have nothing on Dave and his last yarf time of 1995. I'm throwing up right now, but if that guarantees a better plane ride, I'm all for it.
In the past hour I've tried to talk myself into feeling better, tried to distract myself by singing irritating children's choir songs, asked Greg to kill me, and asked Jesus to cast out the drunken demons. Greg is sleeping. I think Jesus may have more important things to do.

I can't believe people do this with any sort of frequency. I certainly wouldn't need a 12-step program. The 1-step program would be good enough for me. It would be: step 1-yarfing.

If someone could invent cures for hangovers and sunburn, do you know how rich they'd be? Richer than God, that's how rich.

4:30ish a.m.

I just don't understand how one stomach can have so many contents.

8:00 a.m.

2 1/2 hours of sleep, glorious sleep! Now I'm back in the bathroom. I can't tell what my body wants. I think maybe it wants to die.

Greg was smart and dosed me up real good with the Drowsy form of Dramamine. This is why I love me some Greg. I got de-hungover halfway to Texas when I woke up and felt like having some ginger ale and pretzels. I also got us through customs all sort of fast by looking near-death.

We had dinner at the Dallas airport and called Dan to see if he'd pick us up. He gladly agreed because he wanted to get away from my mother.

We got home without incident, and the next day Greg went to work and I volunteered at church camp 'cause we're crazy. Diana got home to her bombero and nina and was very happy. Amy enjoyed her final moments before returning to the fourth grade. I'm assuming Scott and Dave did things with computers.